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183 Making Strides
183 Making Strides
(Winona)
Jayden shifts in his chair. "It hurts hearing you say that. But | accept your feelings. Thank you for being
honest."
| smile. Wow. He is really real about all of this. About us. A surge of love and respect for Jayden engulfs me. He's
been to hell and back too.
Just because he's done it with billions of dollars doesn't make it hurt any less for him.
Barnaby leans back in his seat and grins. "You two are really making strides. I'll be eating at the soup kitchen
soon because I'm out of a job."
I laugh. "Don't think you'll be lining up anytsoon, doc. But | do feel that was a major shift for us. To be honest
like that and not have Jayden get angry is amazing.
"I can tell you're both serious and you are putting each other first. Well done."
"I did feel angry, and | felt hurt because it wasn't what | wanted you to say. But being told what | want to
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hear and being pandered to all my life is what gothere. So, I'm trying to change that."
"Thinking outside yourself. Brilliant. The sooner we work out life is not about us, we're getting
somewhere "Barnaby smiles and then his face is serious again. "Apart from Ashlyn, is there anything else on
your mind, Winona?"
"Yes, | also need to talk about my mom and Cass, my little sister, being here with me. It's been.... confronting, to
say the least. But also, cathartic in many ways. Barnaby leans forward, his eyes focused on mine. "Tellmore
about that, Winona. What's been the most challenging part for you?"
| take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. "It's hard seeing Mom like she is now. | like that I've had the
chance to be with her and understand the truth about the past, but | sometimes get envious of everything |
missed out on and | see her sharing with Cass," | confess.
"This is very normal and that will take time. Try to focus on building a close relationship now and not languishing
over the past."
"Mom's been through so much. Much worse than me. She protectedin the only way she could at time. She's
been clean for years, but she's still so fragile. | want to help her, but don't know how."
"Do you feel guilt?" Barnaby asks directly.
Tnod.
tthe
"Why? Why would you feel guilt? You did nothing wrong. You survived what they both put you through." Jayden's
anger is bubbling.
"You want to protect Winona, | get it, Jayden. But we need to let her work through her feelings."
Jayden nods. "I'm sorry. It's just, a lot, being there, seeing the way other people have to live, chose to live."
"If it's all you know, there is no choice. People don't see what's hard for them to see. And that's okay too
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183 Making Strides
because if you aren't in it then your worlds apart from it. We live the hand we're dealt." | say and | do feel that's
true.
"But you shouldn't feel guilty about your mother and sister. You didn't even know you had a sibling or that your
Mom was still alive." Jayden says gently.
"But | feel | could have gone back. | could have checked. When | was financially secure. Even now | have more in
the bank than most people dream about. | should have just checked in to see if | could help."
"Hindsight is a wonderful thing, Winona. Taking responsibility is healthy, but be careful you don't deal yourself an
unfair hand. Be logical. Going back would have set you back."
"I know. But it's hard to shake the awfulness of Mom struggling like that and doing her best to raise Cass."
"You're not exactly a low-profile person lately, Winona. Don't you think if she'd wanted contact with you, she
could have found you?"
"Yes. But maybe she didn't wantback in her life."
"Have you asked her about this?"
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"We've talked. She just wanted my happiness and forto move on, never look back."
"And you believe her?"
I nod. "Yes."
Barnaby's expression is one of understanding. "It's natural to want to support your mother, especially given
everything she's been through. But it's important to recognize that you can't fix everything on your own. She
may need professional help." "I know," | say. "She needs you. But she won't accept it if | try to pay for it for her. It
would just spook her, make her feel like she's a burden."
Barnaby considers this for a moment. "What if she joined you for a few sessions here? We could start slow. This is
already paid for."
"Her and | together?" | let that sink in.
"Just a couple of sessions where she's part of your therapy. It might help her open up and begin to address some
of the trauma she's carrying. It might just be the push she needs." "You'd do that?"
"Sure."
| think about it, turning the idea over in my mind. "That could work. It might help her feel more comfortable,
knowing she's not doing it alone. Jayden, how do you feel about it?" "If it helps you, I'm all for it. Ultimately, that
helps us."
"You could join us. | don't have a problem. You've already been exposed directly to who was anyway."
"I think your mom would open up more withouthere."
"That's true. Thank you for your generosity, Jayden. | appreciate you so
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